


The Flocking Habits of Fledgling Birds

by Blackjay27



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Batkid Scramble AU, First Meetings, Gen, Wherein I put the batkids in a randomiser, and this comes out, but not in a romantic way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:29:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackjay27/pseuds/Blackjay27
Summary: Bruce would like to point that when he thought having a child might be nice, he anticipated something more along the lines of a traditional adoption. Not... whatever this arrangement is where seven teenagers force their way into his life and fight crime from his basement.[Seven first meetings between Batman and his future sidekicks in a world where their birth order was changed.]





	1. First Bluejay[Robin] (The Street Kid)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born of my love for Reverse Robin fics, and my complete inability to think of anything new to add to the genre. So I stuck the names of the first seven Batkids into a randomiser, and got very lucky.

The rain that started to fall onto Batman’s head as he left the Haly’s Circus tent was so utterly appropriate it almost made him want to laugh. Two acrobats dead, and their infant son vanished. All because the circus owner had tried to save a few bucks by setting up in a vacant lot near Crime Alley instead of their usual grounds in Bristol.

Within seconds the rain had reached standard Gotham intensity, meaning The Car was practically invisible in the downpour. Still, from about five feet out it was obvious that there was something wrong with the wheels. Or rather, the lack of wheels. More specifically, the lack of three wheels and the child in a red hoodie trying to remove the fourth.

“You’ll catch your death of cold.” The instant the words left his mouth, he regretted them. Those were his mother’s words, not Batman’s. Given that the child swore and swung at him with his tire iron, he probably agreed. Batman snagged hold of the tire iron, then the back of the child’s neck. “Care to explain?”

“Fuck off!” Honestly, that was about what he expected. “It’s not like you need ‘em!”

“I do if I want to drive home. What benefit is there to stealing my tyres?”

The child stopped struggling against Batman’s hold so that he could give a more focused deadpan stare. “Are you shitting me? Anything taken from the Batmobile’s worth a fuckin’ mint to a whole gang of rich fucks. And Penguin.”

Bruce blinked in shock. “Anything from the _what_?”

“Y’know, the Batmobile.” The child raised an eyebrow and nodded towards The Car. “Big poncy car. Weird design. Owner has a bit of bat obsession, bordering on a fetish, really. Rumour has it it may be parked somewhere near where we're standing. Well, where you're standing. I’m kinda dangling. From your hand.”

“That’s… That’s not its name.”

“What, d’you call it something stupid like ‘The Car’ with fancy capitals that only show up in your head?” Batman carefully schooled his expression to not show that he’d been rumbled. Naturally, the child started laughing anyway. “Oh my god, you do, don’t you! Wait till I tell Luis!” That brought forth the second-best Batglare. Batman had a reputation to keep.

“You will not be telling ‘Luis’ any of this.” The child responded to the command with a series of gestures, most of which would have had the upper class clutching their metaphorical and/or literal pearls. Admittedly the effect was ruined by how badly the child was shivering in the unrelenting rain, but the message was clear.

“I don’t suppose you’d change your tune for, say, a change of clothes, a warm meal, and a chance to ride in the…” He sighed. “in the Batmobile?” Instead of relenting, the child started to struggle again.

“No fucking way! I ain’t letting you take me away!” Strange, why was he so resistant? All he was offering was a set of treats that only required getting into a stranger's car to... Oh. Oops.

“You’re a street kid, right?” The child didn’t even stop struggling to acknowledge that he’d heard the question. “If I don’t get an answer, I’ll assume the answer is yes. Now, as a street kid, odds are you’ve spoken to other kids that I’ve saved before. Yes or no?” This time he got a sullen nod mid-struggle.  “Have _any_ of those kids mentioned _any_ time I forced them to do something against their will?” A shake of the head. “What makes you think this time will be different?”

The child abandoned the struggle in favour of bowing his head. “Cause I tried to steal from you.”

Batman chuckled. “You’re hardly the first. Odds are you're not going to be the last. You _are_ the first to be brave enough to stick around and challenge me. Generally they run away, presumably to find a new pair of pants.” Blushing, the child rubbed the back of his head.

“Make it more than one change of clothes. _And_ I get to sit in the Batmobile while you put the wheels back on.” Batman pretended to consider the terms for a few seconds.

“Alright, but only if you give me your name.” He opened The Car’s door and dumped the child into the passenger seat. The child grinned up at him.

“Jason Todd. Pleased to meetcha.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have no Dick Grayson, you have no Batmobile. And I just couldn't let that happen. Hence Jason repeating his canon introduction. (That's not saying there won't be any Dick Grayson in this fic, it's just a bit much to expect a 6-month-old to name a vehicle before he goes missing.)  
> Next Chapter: The ever-intelligent First Redbird[Batgirl].


	2. First Redbird[Batgirl] (The Detective)

Of course, it had been too much to ask for the criminals of Gotham to take a night off for Halloween. That said, they could have had the decency to not attack the grand party Bruce Wayne had been strong-armed into attending by Alfred.

Bruce quickly snagged the back of Jason’s neck before he could attack the nearest goons. “Hang back chum. Wait till we can change.” Jason growled but settled slightly.

Keeping a hold on Jason, Bruce scanned the grand hall the Halloween party was taking place in. So far no Arkhamites had turned up, but plenty of armed mooks were starting to herd the partygoers towards the centre of the room. Begrudgingly, Bruce allowed Jason and himself to be herded away from the side of the room with them.

“Told ya we should’ve gone trick-or-treating,” Jason muttered. Translation: _We should be Batman and Bluejay right now._

Bruce forced himself to do the Brucie Laugh. “Well chum, looks like it’s a bit late for that.” Unfortunately, he was probably right. Between the crush of partygoers they were being pressed into and the circle of henchmen, there was little chance of reaching the nearest exit and changing without being noticed.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Brucie Wayne.” Make that no chance. Bruce turned to see Two-face entering via the main doors. “Good job boys and Trisha, you may well have doubled your paychecks. So, Mr Wayne,” Two-face muttered as he stalked up to Bruce. “You wouldn’t happen to have your ‘ward’ around here somewhere? The more cash, the better.”

Jason was in fact _not_ somewhere around here. Hopefully he’d had the sense to slip into the crowd. Actually, scratch that. It was Jason. Hopefully he’d succeeded in using his highly risky improvised escape strategy without hurting too many people.

Bruce carefully rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually, I seem to have misplaced him. Lose my own head next, ha ha ha.” The sudden appearance of the barrel of a pistol in his eyeline was not surprising.

“That can be arranged unless your brat comes out _right now_ ,” Two-Face drawled from the other end of the gun.

This wasn’t going to end well. There was no way for Brucie Wayne to disarm Two-Face without sacrificing his secret identity, Jason was probably too busy getting changed into Bluejay, the GCPD was… the GCPD, and the nearest Justice League member just HAD to be… Bruce was saved from his sudden spiral into uncharitable thoughts about green-themed heroes by Two-Face’s gun suddenly sprouting a Batarang right through its barrel.

“Sorry about that!” Pretty much everyone in the room turned to face the conveniently-placed balcony. The person stood there was _not_ Jason, as Bruce had expected, but a random black-haired boy in a surprisingly professional black-and-red superhero suit. “Actually, wait, you’re the criminal in this situation. I retract my apology!” An apparently untrained boy.  They seemed to be good with Batarangs, though.

The flippant comment seemed to snap everyone out of their stupor. Within ten seconds Two-Face and all his goons were arrayed in a line and pointing weapons at the boy, while the hostages were all but whistling nonchalantly as they inched towards the exits. Bruce gritted his teeth and forced himself to remain with the main body of hostages. It would be so easy to escape and become Batman right now, but that would mean abandoning the boy. And make Brucie Wayne look cowardly, mustn’t forget that.

“You don’t _really_ think one child can stop this many professionals, do you?” The boy tilted his head, presumably taking in the forces he was facing.

“Nope.” They held up a small black cylinder. “This might be able to, though.” Bruce squinted as best he could. Was that… a Bluetooth speaker? How would that help? It barely resembled any kind of weapon, barring perhaps a bomb.

The speaker began to flash and emit high-pitched beeps. Ok, now it _really_ resembled a bomb. Bruce had to give the boy an A+ for improvisation.

With a flick of his wrist, the boy sent the speaker flying towards Two-Face, and, by extension, the hostages. And that was a D- in making civilians feel safe.

By the time the stampede subsided, Bruce had been carried out into the lobby. He wasn’t alone, either. Jack Drake was running around like a headless chicken. At least, he was, until he saw Bruce, which changed the animal in the metaphor to something a little more unstoppable and bovine.

“Have you seen Tim! He vanished just before those… those people showed up! Janet’s going to kill me if she finds out I lost him!” Bruce managed to get Jack off him, mainly by promising to search for Tim Drake too. Given that Tim was now suspect number one for the boy in the costume, that was at the top of his to-do list anyway. Well, after he dealt with Two-Face, at any rate. And found Jason. This was going to be a long night…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a bit of exposition that I couldn't fit in, Two-Face was attacking the party because it was sponsored by a castor oil company, which links into Castor of the Gemini twins. There are only so many duality-themed crimes you can commit without liberally stretching the definition of duality. Especially if you want to pay your henchmen.  
> One of these days I will write something wherein Tim is not in a Batgirl role. At least this time I can blame the randomiser.  
> Next Chapter: The extremely confident Second Bluejay[Robin]


End file.
